The Power of Change.

Hey y'all.

I've been absent lately. Absent-minded, absent-spirited, and absent-living. I think I made up two of those combinations.

Anyway, I've been struggling to surface out of heaps of stuff, both emotional and physical, per usual. It seems the struggle never really goes away, and to think it will someday disappear or evaporate strikes me as childish and naive now.

Blogging is fun, but it's not fun to talk about your inner-most personal problems and failures. Most people use social media to celebrate everything that's right in their lives, and if you were to believe that these things are the only things that make up their lives, then you would be believing a beautiful lie. I actually know a couple of people who have an AMAZING Instagram or Facebook life, but never smile in person when I see them. It's really quite shocking, seeing light in someone's eyes in a picture but never having seen it in person before. So I want to take this opportunity to remind everyone that every single person in your virtual social circle has failed at something recently. Maybe it was a workout plan. Maybe it was a school test. Maybe it was remembering to pay a bill on time. Maybe it was a life plan. Maybe it was an appointment. Maybe it was a relationship. Maybe it was a personal goal. Maybe it was a professional goal. But every single person you know has failed at something recently, so please be careful who you find yourself jealous of. You just don't know what their life is actually like, and social media is the perfect forum for pretending everything is moving along swimmingly.

On the same topic, I have to admit that I have been overwhelmed for far too long with issues I have been silent on to protect those involved (including myself). I don't plan to "out" anyone here, but if you happen to know me on a personal level and you want to know more, now is the time to ask. I'm not hiding out anymore. I'm done with that. And I'm not sorry for choices I've made. I've made some seriously huge choices in the last year that have affected my life and the lives around me, but based on the evidentiary support I have compiled, it's all been for the best. All I ask is respect and love in return. If you are unable to provide those two things, delete me now. Just do it, and save us both heartache and frustration.

Okay! Getting off of my soapbox now.

Today's topic: The Power of Change.

When I started on my "healthy life" journey last year, my A1C was 8.6. The range it's supposed to be within is 4.3-6.1. (For those wondering what the heck an A1C is, please see this link.)

As you now know, higher = bad, so I was pretty shocked. And sad. And a whole host of other emotions that roll into a chronic disease diagnosis. I am not the kind of person who gives up, as my tenacity is actually one of my strongest character traits, so instead of saying "SCREW THIS!" and eating my way into an early grave, I chose instead to start making some lifestyle changes. I begrudgingly started taking prescription medication and even started daily insulin shots to increase my lifespan and get my diabetes under control. Not that I don't have those days where all I want to do is eat an entire cheese pizza. But, I digress.

My A1C came back as 7.4 in November, and I think I did a little too much celebrating. In February, it was still decreasing, but it had only gone down to 7.1. My doctor said that, now that we're much closer to the acceptable range, she wanted me to wait until June to come back for my next A1C. I then proceeded to completely forget until August (oops), and got in immediately to get my annual physical done, which includes an A1C checkup. To my surprise and delight, it came back at 6.0. At the top of the range, but in the range. Finally. It's been a long year!! My doctor was happy to see that and said, "Whatever you're doing, keep doing it. It's working!" She wanted me to stay on the insulin and the other prescription drugs for now until more testing can be done to assure it won't spike back up if I stop taking it. Which mostly just means blood tests monthly for the next three months or so. I was ECSTATIC.

But. There's always a but, isn't there??

She also had my cholesterol levels checked and, to both of our surprise, the levels were waaaaay off. My bad cholesterol is too high, my good cholesterol is too low, and I was immediately dismayed. I think she was too - she called me as soon as she got the tests and said, "So, you are eating well, aren't you??" I told her I was eating okay but I could do better. I'm hard on myself, and this is my honest answer. She put me on another medication (oh joy) and wants to do bloodwork in a month. Seeing as how I lost a grandparent to liver failure, and seeing as how your liver is the coolest filter ever created, I did a little research on how to lower cholesterol. Guess what I found?

Lose weight.

Yup.

Lose weight. *ugh*

Up until this moment, I've been able to get away with "well, you SHOULD lose weight, but mostly what you need to do is..." and I always end up focusing on whatever the "mostly" part is and ignoring the weight loss altogether. I'm an emotional eater, and the chairwoman of Overeater's Anonymous (not really), so you can imagine my frustration.

Over the course of the weeks leading up to this test result, I had been discussing a fat-burning and weight-loss meal replacement program with my nail lady, Jeri. She is an avid user and promoter of Isagenix and their products (shakes for meal replacement with lots and lots of other supplementing products) and one of my biggest attraction to this idea (besides the word "shake") was that it is all soy-free. Although not proven, as much in science cannot be proven perse, soy has been linked to higher rates of breast cancer due to the estrogen. So, soy-free products are especially attractive to me, and especially now (my grandmother passed away last week due to complications of metastatic breast cancer). I took a risk and ordered the 30 day cleanse when I got my test results back because I honestly wasn't sure what else to do.

Now, don't judge me just yet. Let me explain myself for a moment. I have what I consider to be one of the most sensitive digestive tracts of anyone I have ever met (even my old roommates remember this about me...). Most kinds of leafy greens I don't digest at all, and most kinds of food (if spiced in any way) or diets (especially those based on caffeine) make my life a living hell. Most of my medications will do that, too, until I'm used to them. Choosing to implement Isagenix in my life was a choice I made after bombarding Jeri with request after request for information on how their products are different from other whey protein-based products, how their system works differently, how it affects which body parts, what scientific research has been done to support their claims, and their articles on how their products affect blood sugar. I read nearly every bit of research (including the actual reports on the clinical trials - who does that?!) and prayed until my head hurt. I also checked in with my friend, Nikki, who had just started it herself so I could get an opinion from her as well. I got a resounding "yes" from the research and a "go for it" from the Lord above me, so I took a risk and ordered the 30 day cleanse.

This part of the story is where things get real. My personal experience. You can choose to think what you want, but this is what happened to me. Okay? Okay. Let's move on. :)

Here's the most important thing to take away from my personal experience with Isagenix: it works.

No, seriously, it works! Be excited!! I am!

I will admit that those first three or four days shook my faith that I was capable of sticking to this at all. I didn't think I could do it. I thought maybe I had taken too much of a risk without the reward. And I MISSED FOOD SO MUCH. I didn't realize that, not only was I likely eating somewhere in the neighborhood of 3,000 calories a day, but this is a low-calorie diet (meaning 1,500 or less daily) and I was not prepared for that kind of cold-turkey quitting.

(...mmm...turkey..)

**Steph's advice - track your calories for at least four days before doing this so you know how much you eat normally. THEN do your best to reduce over a week or even two so you are prepared to start this. Jumping in like I did was incredibly hard and it honestly made me miserable for a few days.**

I realized after the first three or four days that following the "shake day" program was too hard for me at the moment. Besides the fact that I was still getting used to much less caloric intake, I was forgetting I am diabetic and allowing myself to have dangerous lows (which I hadn't had in some time, so that's a good sign in retrospect, though the lows are not good at all) which made my muscles ache and made me feel really light-headed. Trying to show someone an apartment while trying not to pass out is not a challenge I'd never like to repeat! I did a little research on the Isagenix website (when you sign up, they give you a TON of information and links to all of their research, suggestions, tips, Facebook groups, everything. It's a huge support system!) and discovered that they recommend diabetics spread out their "one actual meal" during the day to help keep blood sugar stable. I started doing that and suddenly the entire thing was MUCH easier for me to handle. I started actually getting hungry FOR REAL and I learned what my body does to warn me I'm getting hungry so I can avoid the "hangries" and keep my blood sugar stable, which in turn keeps my metabolism blazing ahead at full speed.

And yes, I cheated. I have cheated a lot on this. In one of the first four days, I was so hungry I ate 3/4 of a freezer cheese pizza (cooked, of course) and immediately hated myself. After a few hours, I realized that I don't need to hate myself and I should stop doing that immediately. What I needed was to adjust the way I'm doing this to make it work for me. Because in the end, I am the only person I answer to with this program. Jeri isn't going to yell at me if I don't do this right. Nobody is except for me, because I'm the only person in control of what's going into my body. And once I realized that, there was a lot less pressure to make this work for me. I started just making good choices and trying my best to stick to the plan, while allowing the occasional slip-up and not beating myself up over it because hey, I LIKE FOOD.

They have you chart your weight loss and inches lost in this little booklet 11 days after you start. Two of my 11 days were definitely vacation days (read: no Isagenix whatsoever) so I had this irrational thought in my head that I had screwed it all up and nothing had changed. That was, until day 11, right before I did my measurements. I was looking at myself in my bathroom mirror and an I noticed that my lower belly bulge looked smaller. I was taken aback - has it always looked like that? Wasn't this part bigger before??

I bolted down my stairs and grabbed the measuring tape that came with my products and started measuring immediately. I did weigh myself and discovered that I lost 5 pounds (hooray!), so I didn't think much else had changed. The funny thing is that, with a high-protein diet, I personally build up muscle before I start to lose fat. I didn't know this until I did my measurements and was totally shocked (and thrilled!!) to discover I've lost 2" off of almost every part of my body in 11 days. Adding up all of the inches lost, I lost 18.5" in 11 days.

I know, right???

I'm not lying, the measurements speak for themselves. And I've had a heck of a lot of praise from other people I see semi-regularly. My sister said I looked amazing and my legs looked smaller to her, my mom wanted to know what I was doing, my friend Kristen said I looked great, and Jeri said that even my skin seems brighter. And no wonder! The shakes are packed with enough vitamins and minerals that I don't even need to take my herbal supplements or my daily vitamin anymore. My eyes are brighter, my skin seems healthier, and I've lost inches. My muscles are more toned, my legs are looking fabulous if I do say so myself, and my upper arm flab is shrinking. My brain feels more awake, I've started taking stairs everywhere simply because I feel motivated to do so, and I somehow feel better able to cope with the stress of my crazy life.

You guys. I'm not even exercising. It's true! I wasn't able to for that first week because I was still figuring out how to stabilize my blood sugar and I was afraid of getting too low. I really had my doubts about this system, but even if you tweak it, the underlying truth remains: it works.

AND my digestive system LOVES IT. I was given a bottle of their all-natural IsaFlush, which is supposed to help keep stuff moving (switching to a high-protein diet can block you up pretty bad), but I haven't needed to use it once because of how my digestive tract works. I have had ZERO flare-ups of IBS (gross, I know, I'm sorry), ZERO flare-ups of acid due to GERD, and I have been sleeping so much better (even on my old cruddy mattress). I can still have my daily cup of coffee just the way I like it, guilt free. I can still eat a piece of pizza (I limit myself to one piece instead of all of the pieces because I like how I feel much better after one than after an entire pizza), or a couple of cookies, or whatever. Feeling better, I've noticed a sharp increase in confidence. I've also noticed a sharp increase of motivation to keep it up. When things change this quickly, it's hard NOT to be motivated.

I also want to mention that their protein bars and shakes are actually pretty good. Normally, you can expect chalky, tasteless grossness with these things, but they actually are pretty good. The Dutch Chocolate one smells better than it tastes (beware) but Jeri suggested you throw a little peanut butter or a banana in it to boost flavor and nutrients. The French Vanilla one is sooo good, in my opinion, because of the added cinnamon (plus, cinnamon helps control blood sugar). I tried the oatmeal raisin bar and the chocolate bar and they are both very good, and very satisfying. I actually went to Target the other day to see what the on-the-shelf protein products look like (and cost - I'm all about reducing costs but I'm not about to sacrifice quality in this particular area), and discovered that most of them are soy-based. Beware!! I can't stress that enough. I did buy a couple boxes of the Larabar bars because they have 3-4 ingredients (and they're soooo good) but they have only about half of the protein that the Isagenix bars have. But look at me! I was in the protein bar section of Target and got myself some all-natural snacks! Who is this girl?!?

I also eliminated snacks from my fridge and freezer (minus pickles - I just love them too much) and filled my freezer with frozen fruit (zero sugar added) and frozen veggies, and got a ton of tuna and turkey so, when hunger strikes, I've got nothing but good choices to choose from. And yes, I still get my occasional bag of Fritos from the vending machine because dammit, life is too short. But I'm serious about taking care of myself and living to at least 80, and I am excited about it.

This is a choice I've made that I expect to continue to make for some time. I want to keep this in my life for awhile to see how much good it does me, and I do plan on exercising again (shin splints make it so darned hard) to boost the benefits that way. I'm not here to force you to buy this stuff, and I'm not here to sell it to you, either (although you can buy it through me if you wish). My main message is this: DO SOMETHING NOW TO BETTER YOUR LIFE. Don't wait until tomorrow. Don't wait until next week. Don't wait until your next paycheck. Do it now. Whether it's taking the stairs instead of the elevator, or planning that long-overdue vacation, or even just spending an hour reading a book or taking a bath, take some time for yourself and do something just for you. Just do it. Show yourself a little love. It feels so, so good.

Love you all,
Steph

Beauty Surrounds Me.

(These are my thoughts from my meditation time spent on my balcony this evening.)

Beauty surrounds me.

Cirrus clouds softly wafting overhead, glowing with the last remnants of the sun's rays. Stretched out above me, they seem so large, so fragile, so...free.

A man sits on the stone stoop across the street. I have seen him here before, several times a day as long as I'm looking. He always appears to be waiting patiently for someone. Maybe we all are, and he simply chose a more prominent place and way to do so.

The night air breathes softly on my face and shoulders, as steady as a man breathes while deep in slumber. Its breath is cool and fresh, carrying the cologne of dewy foliage and nightfallen lakes. Every exhale is a caress, every inhale an anticipatory moment.

The waiting man has returned. It's clear now that his intention is to kill two birds with one stone, as the saying goes - to enjoy the evening, and to feed his smoking habit. I'm afraid he waits simply for death.

My new neighbor three balconies down has much to say to whomever is on the other end of the cellular connection. She certainly did when we spoke earlier, and now she has been jabbering for a half an hour. The young man with the dredlocks in the apartment across the street enjoys his music and dancing to it. 

I find myself rather irritated by the nearby streetlamp. Though I am currently writing by its light, I find it abrasive. It is eyelevel, and rather peach in color. It casts everything in harsh relief. I prefer to hide at least my eyes behind the shadows.

Though I am surrounded by very active signs of life, I feel rather alone. I know I am a rare person. I know so very little about humanity. Perhaps we are all rare persons. But wouldn't that make us all common then?

The waiting man reminds me of myself. I find myself waiting in anticipation for the next big thing to come into my life. I wonder sometimes if I will happen upon it accidentally, or purposefully. Also, I wonder when I'll happen upon it, and whether or not I would recognize it for what it is when I do. Could it be possible that I am oblivious enough to do so? To miss it entirely?

The night air entices me. It transports me to a place I rarely visit. In my senses, I temporarily experience an exquisite disconnect. I know I am sitting on my balcony on a gorgeous summer evening in August, but my senses revert to their settings several years ago when I first really inhaled this peculiar phenomenon. 

I was much younger then. I was much more innocent, though far from purity. This was back when I believed I had yet to meet my Prince, that he was real, and he was coming. Back before anger, force, violence, abuse, abandonment, avoidance, fear, embarassment, poverty, depression, anxiety, and sadness shaped me. 

I would sit for hours, swatting away mosquitos and needy felines, facing the sky, hoping to find some answers there. I wished on every falling star. I prayed for signs from God. I asked for him so many times. I waited in abundant anticipation. I thought I would know him when I saw him. As I breathed in that intoxicating scent, I fell deeply and madly in love with love. I dreamed of nights when I would sit out on a balcony just like this one, but with my sweetheart sitting beside me.

Tonight, I sit surrounded by life, but ultimately alone. Though I feel rather sad in reflection of my silly and girlish childhood fantasies, I simply know better now. I feel for young, sweet, innocent Steph. She knows nothing of true love. 

She knows nothing of the insanity it causes, the focus it absorbs and demands. She knows nothing of the intense, shattering heartbreak when love is not returned. She knows nothing of corruption, greed, manipulation, or control. She knows nothing of cheating hearts and bodies. She knows nothing of true love, the endless chaos we cannot survive without.

She knows nothing of the unfathomable beauty one experiences when one gives their heart to another. She knows nothing of the extraordinarily satisfying connection two people are capable of making between themselves. She has never seen someone light up a room just for her with their smile. She has never felt another person's hand holding hers protectively. She has never felt the true connection and unity of two souls colliding with the force of the heavens themselves. She has never gotten lost in another's eyes. The beauty of human interaction emcompasses the lovliness and the ugliness of love itself.

Beauty is all around me this evening. Mostly, though, beauty surrounds me in a shroud of memories. Some are wonderful, some are terrible, and all are unique to me.

In times like these, in seasons such as this, it is the beauty of these memories, these experiences, that I must fall back on. Things are not beautiful right now, but there is something beautiful in every instance.

Writing Wridiculously.

(I read in an online comic that I'll get more views if I misspell something.)

Welcome back, readers!!

I apologize for the delay - I've been keeping busy with a couple of different new writing projects I'm taking under my wing. I love blogging, but there is something so special about a hand-written note that brings out the feeling in all of us.

Recently, I was looking for some cute stationery because my dad doesn't like technology or the idea that the government can spy on us through it. He lives a couple thousand miles from me, so he said he'd rather hand-write letters. It's been a LONG time since I've hand-written letters. I definitely found myself missing my backspace and my spell check. Anyway, I came across a website known as www.moreloveletters.com and before I knew it, I was sucked in. I've already written two letters (from their requests) and I'm excited to write more. The last letter I wrote was to an Airman named Brad who is on his first deployment. Then that got me thinking about this organization I used to volunteer for waaay back in college called Soldiers' Angels. I quit back then because I had enough of my own problems to worry about, but these days I found myself wondering if they're still up and running, and they sure are! So I rejoined their letter-writing team and found myself an epal as well (think pen pal, but through email). I am actually really excited to be volunteering for both of these organizations, and if you feel called to send empowering words of love and encouragement through hand-written letters and notes, check them both out!

Smiles,
~Steph

Picturesque Improvements

Since I'm not at work today, I've decided not to blog about work. But I noticed something today and frankly I want to brag just a teensy, tiny bit.

Here's a picture of me from August last year. This is the picture that changed my life. 

Is this a bad picture? Not really! I mean, I don't look dead or anything. And that's one of my very good friends, Erica, btw. Everyone say hi to Erica!! She's so purty. :D

Anywho, side shots really aren't good for any of us bigger girls, but this one...THIS one...oh Lord, I had to shield my eyes in my shame. Is that REALLY what I look like?

I realized that I really needed to do something. I started going to the doctor and discovered that my thyroid was completely out of whack. Between this picture and the next one, I adjusted my diet, took a radioactive iodine pill, and recovered from that as well. 

Here's me in December of last year: 

Clearly, I was starting to lose the extra weight. And this sweater has always looked amazing on me. :) But anyway, I got a TON of comments from friends who were so happy to see how much healthier I was looking. Obviously, I was REALLY uncomfortable in this picture (look how tense my shoulders are!), and it tells the story of how uncomfortable I was in my body still. It was my first full-body picture since that one above, and all I could think was "please don't let me look like that, please don't let me look like that..." 

Here's me at the 5K at the end of April:

Not my happiest face, but to be fair, it was 40 degrees and WINDY! Brr! Anywho, this was the goal I had set at the beginning of the year - to run a 5K. My body is a different shape in this picture, though I didn't actually lose much weight. Talk about muscle toning though! Shaving is MUCH more challenging now that I have to shave around muscles and tendons I couldn't see there before. 

Along this journey, I learned that I have several factors that affect my body shape and body fat content. I need regular exercise. I need to eat better. I need to eat less in general. I need to take time for relaxation. I need to make sure my blood sugar is under control. I need to make sure my thyroid is functioning properly. So many things to balance!!

And the one thing I've finally learned that seems to be making a difference now is getting rid of extra stress in my life. 

So, I took this today as I was preparing for my morning workout (read: sports bra LOL). I didn't weigh myself (scales depress me), but I want to just take a moment to brag, just for a second, about the improvements I've made. Even though I hadn't showered or applied makeup yet. :) Here I am! 

Nice, right? I'm proud of myself. 

Here's the first photo alongside this new photo so you don't have to give yourself vertigo by scrolling up and down and up and down...

(8.12.13-6.15.14)

I hope the improvements continue. I hope I can continue to build for myself a healthy lifestyle so I can live a nice, long, full life. 

And there is NO WAY I could have gotten this far without my friends an family. Because they are the reason I do this. I do this so I can go to future weddings, meet future family members, go to future baby showers, and so much more. I want so badly to be around for that stuff! And so, thank you! Thank you to ALL of you. 

I will still need your continued support and guidance, because this is a life-long struggle. But I just wanted to take a moment to show what your efforts have done. You are all awesome and I love you all. :D

Apartment Shopping 101 - by Steph

Well hello there! Nice to see you again. How have you been?

(Did you answer aloud? If you did, one point to you! If you didn't, NO POINTS FOR YOU. But you should try it some time. I bet you'll feel silly and it'll make you smile.)

(True dat.)

So, did you do your homework? Did you talk to your closest (preferably female) friend about how you smell? If you did, TWO points! If you didn't, what are you waiting for? The worst thing that can happen is that you find out you stink. That's not so bad! It's not like you're asking your friend if you're ugly or anything like that...

(Eeesh.)

[Ooo, also, keep track of your points for now and into the future. Just do it. You'll be glad you did!]

Today, we're going to talk about an issue close to my heart: how to behave when you're shopping for apartments.

I've been working in this industry for three years now, and I can tell you I've had some VERY interesting experiences showing people around. Here's the thing - if your Leasing Agent likes you, there's a VERY good chance you'll get extra goodies out of your tour. It could be extra time, extra refreshments, even extra stuff ranging from "here's a can holder with our logo slapped on it" to "I can get you a free storage unit." So to give the general public a couple of pointers, and in an attempt to prevent these things from happening to some poor, unsuspecting Leasing Agent, I present to you...

STEPH'S RULES OF LEASING-MENT

(Wait...that sounds weird...lemme try again...)

THE 15 COMMANDMENTS OF APARTMENT SHOPPING - BY STEPH

(That was better, but I'd rather not step on God's toes...one more time...)

APARTMENT SHOPPING 101 - BY STEPH

(Much better.)

(purty ribbon, just because)

APARTMENT SHOPPING 101 - BY STEPH

PART I

1. MAKE AN APPOINTMENT
--Yes, most places accept walk-ins, and yes, foot traffic is great for business! But if you want the most bang-for-your-buck (or time), you should definitely call in advance and get some basic information ahead of time. This also allows you to ask important questions up-front (like how much it costs, what is the pet policy, that sort of thing). This also allows the Leasing Agent to be fully prepared for your arrival, and to show you what they believe best fits what you're looking for. If you just walk in, there is an excellent chance you won't see the actual apartment for when you're looking to move, or you may find out you have too many pets or pets on their restricted list, and things of that nature. We don't want to waste your time, and we're certain you don't have time to waste! Please, PLEASE call in advance.

(If you have ever called in advance to schedule an appointment, one point to you!)

2. SHOW UP FOR YOUR APPOINTMENT
--This particular step involves many mini-steps. I'd say if you can do at least three of the four mini-steps, we should get along just fine.

~~Mini-Step 1: Arrive ON TIME. Not early. Not late. It doesn't matter if you are Gandalf himself or if "on time" to you is late, arrive precisely on time. If you show up early, we'll seat you in the lobby, and then you'll NEED stuff. Bathrooms, refreshments, napkins, paper towels, band aids, that sort of thing. Leasing Agents work on a very blocky schedule, so we need you to NOT be sitting in the lobby for 10 minutes staring at us while we try to finish whatever project we were working on before you arrived. And if you're late, you've given us the first impression that you are not serious about this. You might be a "looky-loo," someone who is just looking because there's a 10% chance they might move at some point in the near future. You might be a major procrastinator. You will most likely be a time-waster. Be on time, not late, and not early.

(Note A: if the office isn't open yet, do NOT bang on the door! Or stand at the door. Or peer inside the windows, hoping to force some poor worker to open the door early for your own selfish convenience. This isn't David's Bridal. This is a Leasing Office. We work on a blocky schedule. We open precisely when we're supposed to and no sooner or later. Sit in your car if you have to!)

~~Mini-Step 2: Arrive in "good condition." If you just had a major fight with anyone or anything, call and reschedule. If you are not feeling well, call and reschedule. If you and your SO are arguing about what you want in a place, FOR THE LOVE OF PETE CALL AND RESCHEDULE. We do not want to play roles in your life any bigger than what we have to play already. We don't want to play counselor. We don't want to play nurse. This isn't Oprah. We are showing you an apartment and it would be very wise of you to show up NOT drunk or hungover.

~~Mini-Step 3: If you can't make it or you're going to be late, whether it be a force of nature or you just got stuck at work, CALL. From personal experience, nothing is more irritating than not being able to start another project because it's 20 minutes past the hour and I have no idea if you're still coming to visit or not. "But, what project, exactly?" That depends on the time of the month and the season of the year. (Did you think all Leasing Agents did was show people around??) Calling also shows me you're serious about this decision you have to make. It tells me you are responsible and probably the kind of person who will respond to my questions if I need you to. Calling also allows me to tell you we close at (whenever) and you have to be here by (certain time) to be able to go out on property. I would rather you called and knew ahead of time if you could make it than arrived a half-hour past our cut-off time and I'm forced to turn you away. Talk about an awkward situation! More time-and-effort-wasting that could have been avoided.

~~Mini-Step 4: This SHOULD go without saying, but unfortunately I have been proven wrong a few times. Please, PLEASE arrive appropriately dressed. I'm not going to do my best job, no matter how much on my game I am, if I'm worried your girls are going to pop out of your dress. I'm not saying don't express yourself through clothing, but I am saying that if I can see your green leopard-print thong through your white capris OR you are in danger of losing your pants altogether for any reason (including over-saggage), you are NOT dressed appropriately. 'Nough said.

(Think back to your most recent apartment tour. If you completed all four mini-steps, give yourself FIVE WHOLE POINTS! If not all four, one point per each mini-step.)

(Wait, how many points do I have now? And while we're on the subject, how do pencils work??)

I think that's enough learnin' for one day! But I tell you what...stayed tuned for Apartment Shopping 201 - By Steph for tips on how to behave now that you're ready to go out on tour! Until then, please keep these steps in mind if you're looking for an apartment. :D

~Steph

Goal 1: Accomplished!

Yesterday, I finally (mostly) achieved one of my fitness goals: I participated in a 5K.

I participated in the St. Paul Run or Dye 5K, and it was COLD! A brisk 47 degrees with 10 mph wind from the north, gusting to 13 mph, made a chilly morning! The race started at 9am and they sent waves every five minutes after that until 11am. It wasn't a timed race, and they had several "dye stations," where they threw powdered dye at the runners/walkers as they passed through. The dye is supposed to be non-toxic, environmentally friendly, naturally derived, and all that stuff (which it would have to be here in MN - we wouldn't put up with anything less Earth-friendly!). I sure hope it lives up to that non-toxic reputation because I definitely ate some of it...

(To be fair, I was laughing and they threw it at my face.)

Anyway, I said "mostly" up at the top there because I did not actually complete the entire 5k.

*huge audience gasp*

I got maybe a quarter of a mile into the race (walking) and I hit a wall; I VERY suddenly started to suffer from intense pain in my shins. I have never really done any competitive high-impact exercising-type stuff (no sports or anything, we couldn't afford it growing up) so I had no idea what was going on, but it HURT LIKE A MOFO!

(Ow ow ow ow ow.)

Thankfully, my good friend Jess and her husband Brian wanted to do the race with me, and Brian is a workout-a-holic, so he knew exactly what was happening and what I could do about it. He said it sounded like shin splints, and the only thing I could really do about it was stop and ice it when I get home. I, being the textbook Taurus that I am, stubbornly kept going for probably another three quarters of a mile before I told Jess and Brian I had to turn around or they would have to carry me back. I was trying to keep up a conversation with Jess but I was DYING inside of pain. I tried so hard to overcome it and, in doing so, I think I made it worse. The path was a mile and half SW and then turned directly around and went back the other way. There was a tiny grassy space between the two paths so we literally just walked over it and joined the group of people going the other way. One of the runners teased us that we were missing one of the dye stations and I barely was able to make out a semi-smile at her as I held in the tears that were threatening to spill down my cheeks. I wanted to stop, but I had to get back, and I wanted to finish this damn race, even if I had to cheat and cut off what we figured was about a mile or so. Brian joked that it turned into a 3K rather than a 5K, and I think I gave him the same smile.

(Uffda.)

Brian jogged ahead and wrapped around us a couple times, and Jess was so tired that she was happy to walk next to me. They were both extremely understanding and I was so angry at my body for throwing me this awful curveball. Of all the things that could have gone horribly wrong, this was NOT the one I expected.

Although my tarot the other day said to "expect the unexpected." Maybe I should have taken it more seriously...

Once upon a time, back when Steph was a sophomore in high school, she fell down the bus stairs and sprained both ankles. This happened on her way into the school and she, instead of going to the nurse and getting medical care, hobbled to her classes and tried to "walk it off." She ended up twisting and spraining her ankles a lot more over the next few years due to not getting medical care when she should have.

Fast-forward to today, and I spent most of my early days of C25K suffering from ankle pain because they were so weak. They have since strengthened (yay!) but I expected to have some pain in them since it was a different surface I was walking/jogging on. Other things I expected to go wrong: stomach pain, vertigo, rolling an ankle, fainting, low blood sugar, trouble breathing, running out of energy, things like that. Since I've never had shin splints, I never expected them. And, I have to reiterate, THEY HURT LIKE A MOFO. If you've never had them, basically it's your shin muscles and all the tissues surrounding them cramping up and getting all inflamed and stuff. I couldn't hardly walk, and I certainly couldn't jog. All that training, all that time working up to this goal, and I was faced with failure at the 1/4 mile marker. That's why I kept going. Because I was going to do as much of this as I could physically stand. There was no way in heck I was giving up at the 1/4 mile marker!!!

I'm still calling it a success, because I was struggling against bigger odds than I ever had before, and I think we got about 2 miles in there (out of 3.1). We hit four dye stations (out of six) and I looked CRAZY when we were done. It was still a bit of a letdown, even when I crossed the finish line, because the rest of my muscles that are used to being worked were warm and ready to get a good workout, but never did because I couldn't hardly walk! This is kinda gross, but it's like this....

(Poor dude.)

But darn it, I crossed that finish line, and I did everything I could to make it happen anyway. I am and have always been extremely determined and tenacious, especially against hard odds, and I wasn't about to let myself down. So, like I said, I'm calling it a success. I am proud of myself for the effort I have continuously put into achieving this goal since January 1st and I am so thankful for the support from my friends and family that has helped to fuel that fire.

Sadly, with shin splints, I have to take it easy for awhile. I'm supposed to take pain killers, ice them, and call my doc if they don't get better. They are certainly very sore still today, but much better than they were yesterday (I spent a lot of time resting them and icing them so I'm sure that helped). I popped over to the Mayo Clinic website and discovered that the culprits for my sudden shin splints were likely three-fold: a harder surface than I was used to running/walking on, colder temps (30 degree difference is a big difference!), and the most surprising factor is that I have unusually high arches. I actually have high arches AND wide feet, so I have a heck of a time finding shoes...

(Pretty much, yes.)

People are asking me what I'm going to do next. The Mayo Clinic website (here: http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/shin-splints/basics/definition/con-20023428) tells me I need to take it easy and try some low-impact exercises for awhile. I wanted to take up Zumba for the calorie-burning awesomeness and the total-body workout (plus it looks really fun!) but I'll have to take it easy for a couple weeks. I am a pretty bad swimmer, though, so I'm thinking of hitting the pool for a bit, too. Either way, I'm keeping active. :)

And, for your continued enjoyment, here are some pics from the event:

(Please excuse the crazy hair - I lost my bobby pin somewhere along the trail.)

You Stink (And So Do I)

HI EVERYBODY!!

(If I watch this too long, I get dizzy.)

Yes, I am back from my hiatus, and I am really effing glad to be back. I was working hard on some things in my life that needed changing and I am proud to say that many of those changes are now solidly "in progress."

(Can you tell I've missed this?)

At the moment, I don't really feel comfortable going into all the details with you, since you might, you know, tell someone. *gasp* But I do just want to say that I am confident progress has been made in the right direction. 

So let's talk about something other than me, for a change. 

(If you get this reference, you are cool.)

Spring is nearly upon us. There is excitement brewing along with the vibrancy of anticipated twitterpated-ness. So, let us bow our heads, close our eyes, and breathe in the air around us for a moment. 

Smell that? Yeah. You stink. And so does your stuff. But don't worry, I do too! And so does my stuff!! I know this because I have a HUGE COLLECTION OF AIR FRESHENERS. 

(Woof.)

But seriously, I was unpacking a few boxes that have been packed since before I moved from out-of-state last year and found not one, or two, or four, but a grand total of SEVEN air freshener holder do-hickeys. SEVEN OF THEM. All of which are empty, btw. All in the same place, like they were having some sort of empty-air-freshener-holder-do-hickey meeting...

"Hi, I'm Glade, and this is my twin sister, Gladé. We haven't been used in over three months."

"Hello, Glade & Gladé."

(Or, I might have actually organized them into the same box on purpose. But that doesn't sound like me, so I'm going with the EAFHDH meetings.)

("Hey, I thought she wasn't gonna write about herself this time! She got really far on that, hahahah...")

Okay, yes, shut up, getting back to my original point.

You stink. Well, maybe you stink, I don't actually know unless you let me smell you. *awkward silence* 

Uhm...anyway...*throat clearing*

Everyone has a unique smell to them. (Is it "a unique smell" or "an unique smell?") According to this article I'm just now reading (in pursuit of science of course and not because of the creepy armpit-smellathon pic), your smell is like your fingerprint; it is completely and totally your own. Apparently, no matter how much fish you eat or how many gin and tonics you down, your basic smell stays the same, because it's...guess what??...GENETIC! Hooray! 

(Aww, look at all these older people making these younger people stinky...)

Now, that's not to say that, if you eat 20 pounds of garlic in a week, you won't completely reek of garlic (you will, stop it, that's disgusting). But your basic smell stays the same. You are recognizable by your smell. 

I know what you're thinking, because it's Spring and it's that time of the year...."if I am stinky, how will I attract a mate?" (I mean, science says that's how you talk in your genetic code, so, ya know, just keeping it real here.)

I have to tell y'all about my experience growing up on a hobby farm with dairy goats. (Oh gosh, she's gonna talk about herself again...this better be good...) I never had a real "birds and the bees" talk when I was a kid because, growing up on a farm, you just...learn. And sometimes, it's super gross. So prepare yourself. 

Male goats (known as "bucks") start off all cute and fuzzy, like this little heart-breaker...

(D'aww!)

Then they get older, go through an awkward teenage phase like teenage Simba from The Lion King, and then we have to separate him from the female goats (does, pronounced "doughs") to keep him from knocking up every single female goat of breeding age. 

(Right down to the hair.)

Does in our climate go into heat (get randy) in the late summer and, every 21 days or so, for usually 2-3 days, go into heat again and again and again until late winter. This is where I start feeling bad for the buck. Bucks don't have a cycle, they get all excited and stay that way until the does are done cycling in and out. It's literally called a "rut," and for a good reason, too! Poor dude. Anyway, to keep themselves ready for action at a moment's notice, bucks do things that are totally disgusting to show their readiness to the does, who may or may not be paying him any attention. The most notable (and grossest) thing the bucks do is pee on themselves. 

Yep. You read that right. He effing PEES ON HIMSELF. Like, all over his forelegs and face. *shudders*

Apparently, these does get off on how their bucks smell. And there are a lot of other mammals that get a real rush of hormones whenever smelling whatever they perceive to be a good-smelling mate. 

Oh, and they do this freaky lip-curling thing. Here's a pic to burn into your memory forever...

(Totes sexy, amirite ladies??)

Getting back to the human realm, we all have a smell. When it comes to BO, men generally give off more of it. And that is why they invented cool stuff like deodorant and cologne and perfume and body spray and all that crazy stuff, because we don't always like how we smell when we sweat, and our smell comes out the most through, you guessed it, body fluids! Like sweat! 

(Can't you just smell him?)

I gave a small piece of advice to a friend of mine who has never kissed a girl before and is just dying to kiss a certain girl - wear cologne. It wasn't a comment on his own natural smell, but mostly a lack thereof. This particular friend doesn't really seem to have much of a smell, so I suggested he start wearing cologne around her to get her attention that way.

Cologne/deodorant/body spray/perfume is cool stuff. It might not be your natural smell, but it will intermingle with your natural smell and still make it unique (with a shot at "sexy"). That is why, if you buy your new boyfriend the same cologne your old boyfriend wore, you will be horribly disappointed because they will not smell the same, no matter how much you try to douse him in it. Not that I did that.

(Smell good, damnit!)

So there you have it! You learned something about smell today! I work in an office full of mostly women, and one good-smelling guy brings us all to the "nearly drooling" phase of attraction. I have seen a line of women form where the good smelling guy was so they could each get a lung-full of his smell. If you are having trouble attracting mates, I highly, highly suggest talking to a very close (preferably female) friend to find out what you smell like (women have statistically more sensitive noses than men). 

Things to take away from this really odd, awkward, informative blog:

1. You have a smell.

2. Your smell is stronger when you secrete body fluids, like sweat.

3. If you mix other smells (cologne, deodorant, etc.) with your smell, it is still uniquely your smell because your smell is your smell. 

4. If you want to attract people to you, try experimenting on your natural smell.

5. Goats are effing weird.

So, go out into the world, be aware of how you smell, and have a very happy Spring! 

*self-consciousness intensifies*

G'night!!