Sorry, had to get that out of my system. I'm finding myself jealous of other people a lot lately and sometimes I just gotta revert to my 5 year old self and throw a hissy fit.
I've been feeling very frustrated about lack of money, lack of space in our apartment (which is going to change very soon!!) and lack of other things. I am a selfish person who needs a spank...or something.
I realize that I should be very happy and satisfied with who I am, what I have and what I have access to. I have a very hard time NOT comparing myself to others, however.
For example, Thursday afternoon I had a tooth crack. This tooth has been giving me troubles for years and I had a root canal done on it a few years ago. I couldn't afford the crown, though, and due to that it went uncovered for the last two years and a very tasty, albeit crunchy, tortilla chip cracked it straight through the middle.
The sound of a tooth cracking in my mouth reminded me of what it would sound like were I able to chew chicken bones. It was totally gross and VERY PAINFUL. Since we have OSU insurance through T, we called them and they said we had to come in at 7:30 am the next day to wait with who knows how many other people and pay $100 up front just for the emergency dental clinic. I explained to the guy on the phone that my tooth was LOOSE and that I needed IMMEDIATE attention and he tells me the emergency clinic is closed!!
I was as angry as a polar bear with a toothache and then I tried a good old-fashioned Google search. And what did it come up with??? 1800dentist.com. Which, in my opinion, is the best freaking website ever for this kind of thing. My hubby was on the phone with a lady from Delta Dental, who was trying to walk him through finding a dentist on their website that takes our insurance AND has extended hours. So I'm plodding around on the internet (and mourning the loss of my soon-to-be-non-existant-tooth) when I get my results from the 1800dentists website: they tell me Fixari Dental is open until 7:00pm and somewhat local. I tell Trygve to call them, he does, and within 10 minutes we're on the road to Fixari Dental.
They were very kind and very helpful. Considering everything, I think they're the best dental people I've ever worked with! They had to numb my mouth with over 7 shots of Novacaine and other stuff because they couldn't quite get me all the way numb and they wanted me to be as comfortable as possible. Three hours and two dentists later, the troubled tooth was out and I was near to passing out. I was super shaky after I got out of the chair (not surprising) and I cried a little when I got home. We left at 9pm and didn't get my meds until 10:20 b/c it took almost a half hour to find a CVS pharmacy open as late as ten...and there was only one guy working and he was a spastic Japanese man so as you can understand, the first few rounds of Novacaine had worn off by the time we got the drugs and I was in sooooo much pain.
I remember now a few things they told me...the first one being that they had to shave down part of my jawbone due to the fact that my tooth was so large and so close to my bone that they couldn't get a good grip on it. So that f'ing hurts. And then, at the end of the three hours, they tell me that they had so much trouble with numbing me because I have a double-wired jaw. Lemme s'plain...
As you can see, everyone has the Inferior Alveolar Nerve that connects #19 to the nerve system in the jaw. My #19 also had the Mental Nerve attached...apparently my Mental Nerve extends all the way to the back of my jaw. Fun, right??
As you can imagine, my mouth looks VERY beat up and it hurts like hell. It feels better today, though, and I'm hoping it gets better soon, seeing as I only have about 6 Vicodins left...
All of that Novacaine left me in pretty bad shape...
But at least it wasn't as bad as the extra tooth nugget...did I tell that story yet??
My wonderful, sweet hubby was extra nice and went out and bought stuff like soup, cottage cheese, and other liquid-ous foods for me to drink the following day AND he got me something extra special...
Get well flowers!! I have NEVER gotten get well flowers, so that made me feel soooo special. Thank you honey!!
And his teeth? Crooked and yellow but not a single cavity or anything. He barely uses toothpaste!! And he has all of his wisdom teeth!! I'm sure you can understand how this is upsetting to me, seeing as how I've been tortured at the dentist a number of times (and my teeth are perfectly straight...*le sigh*).
I'd really like to be able to afford a vacation someday...and maybe a new candle that doesn't come from Walmart or a thrift store....and maybe some actually new clothes. I'm not complaining, I just wish we were in a better place. Some of our friends certainly are in much better places than we are right now and although I try, I can't help but compare us to them a little from time to time and it's been getting me down lately. Grrr. I get upset with myself when I do this. I shouldn't be comparing us to anyone. I know, I know!! I just don't know how to stop when it's right there in front of my face.
Not that I'm not happy for my friends who are doing so well! I really am happy for them!! I just wish we could be doing as well too. It just seems...unfair. It seems really unfair, the kinds of stuff we have to go through. And we seem to be going through one hard thing after another! When will it let up?!! C'mon, God, help us out a little here. Can't You shed some hardships on someone else for a little while? PLEASE?
Just a thought.
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The grounds people are mowing today and Lucy is TERRIFIED of the lawn mower. I'm thinking it's because we're mostly underground on the first floor. She isn't afraid of thunder or lightning but she is so scared of the lawnmower!! I don't get it but I still love her to pieces. =)
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Do you like my cake??
It was very tasty! Our friend Michael helped us when we pulled a stupid and tried to park our car downtown in a lot that looked abandoned...then it got towed...so he kindly lent us a dollar fifty so I could ride the bus with my hubby (OSU students ride for free) to his apt. so he could give us a ride to the impound lot so we could get our car back. I promised him a cake and I made good on my promise! I'll tell ya, he sure looked surprised to see us show up for game night with a cake!! I think he enjoyed it.
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I will leave you with a random thought I found on the internets...
"I have an odd taste in my mouth."
So true. G'night!!
~Steph
Oh Steph, I feel your pain. Literally. I also had a tooth pulled I couldn't afford to have a crown on, and God bless it, it hurts like hell. I'm sorry you had to go through it. I've had three teeth pulled in the last 3 years and I would never recommend it. But like you, I didn't have the money to spend to properly "fix" the tooth.
ReplyDeleteI also feel sometimes like we can't get ahead. We always seem to have something come up. Even with this new job and the raise I'm getting, we're going to be broke for a bit because of the change in daycare and the money it costs...it just seems like it's always something. It's natural to compare yourselves to others but just remember, most people don't get financially settled til their 30s, so you definitely aren't alone.
I'm so jealous of your blog! It's so pretty and colorful, I can't do this on mine! So cute :)