Today is my 24th birthday. Although technically it's my 25th if you count my very first official birthday but we Americans don't like to think we're that old.
Today, I am heading to a hair salon for the very first time all by myself to get *gasp* HIGHLIGHTS. Professionally done, no less. I have been coloring my hair via box dyes since the summer after I turned seventeen and this will be the very first time I have ever had to think about how many foils I want. My experience goes something like this...
*cue the Private Eye music*
"I drove to Walmart for a cheap box of tampons. I was in the middle of an end-of-season crisis and I had been thinking for weeks that I should do something different with my hair. Winter was coming and the dark shades were, too. Grey, brown, black, maroon, navy...those were the colors of the sweaters I would be pulling out of the box marked 'WINTER' and hanging in my closet. I needed to find pants that matched...I needed to find shoes that matched. I needed new gloves since last year's were ripped, torn and discolored from surviving -50 degree windchills for weeks on hand. My mind on other things, I grabbed the usual box of tampons and cut through the next aisle to get to the main circuit. That's when I saw it...the $2.95 box of hair dye. The gorgeous brown-eyed brunette with the ringlets. Revlon's Dark Brown. I shudder with excitement. 'No, hair dye, you will not tempt me this time.' I think this many times and even say it aloud once. I walk past the aisle several times, the temptation pulling at me like a gravitational force. Then, the swaying thoughts hit. Justification swamps my head like radio waves, piling over one another and melding into a tidal wave of persuasion. 'It's just three dollars...I could be so much happier simply by changing my hair color...I wouldn't even have to cut it...It would be so fun...' And then I pick up the box. I stare into the brunette's eyes, attempting to determine if she is enjoying her hair color or the fact that her job is to get all dolled up and then have pictures taken of her. After several minutes of deliberation, I repeat the justification out loud. I have already decided...I needed to justify it. 'Yes, I will have so much fun with slightly darker hair. Yes, it is only a measly three dollars. Yes, it is so fun to take control of something so defining. Yes, I do like the smell of the deep conditioner. Yes, it does leave my hair in better condition. Yes, it will bring out my red tones!' No longer ashamed, I proudly pick up the box of hair dye and cradle it in my arm, right next to the box of tampons, for which I felt neither opposition nor shame. The clerk at the register rings up my 'total' and remarks that she didn't even know Walmart had hair dye for this cheap. I look her directly in the one eye I think is looking at me and tell her what I've told myself. 'Oh, yes, it is so nice to do something different without having to cut my hair. The conditioner actually smells pretty good and it leaves my hair so soft and shiny! If you're in the market, check it out! I love Revlon.' A fan is born. Suddenly I no longer feel just barely justified...now I am in love. I am soaring thousands of feet in the air with my three dollar box of hair dye. I see the clerk look down at the little box with her one good eye and look back up at me. A serious and curious light shines in her eye. 'I definitely will.' "
I'm sure you are just DYING to know what happens. As for the clerk, I don't know. I don't remember which one she is or if she even works there anymore. Myself, on the other hand, spent an hour at home dying my hair dark brown very effectively. I learned at 17 that scratching your head before applying hair dye is like pouring lemon juice into an irritated hang nail or wiping hand sanitizer over a scratch...it stings LIKE HELL. Yikes. So I made sure I neither had washed my hair in 24 hours or scratched my head the whole day and I spent a half-hour putting the hair dye in. Then I waited the 30 minutes and washed it all out. I do actually really like the smell of the deep conditioner. And once it is all done, I get to marvel at the beauty that is my dark brown hair. I do actually believe that dye brings out the red tones in my hair...and that it leaves my hair in better condition. I've been trying to grow it out for the wedding so I did dye it twice in the last year...and today, mes amis, I am getting highlights. Two reasons...one, I want a blonder look. I like going blonde but I don't want to lose the pretty brunette color I have. Two, I want something fresh and modern for the wedding. I am nervous but I hope and pray that it will turn out really well. I'm also getting a haircut so that will help immensely with the dry ends. I've been told by stylist friends that we should all get haircuts at least twice a year. I think my last one was just about two years ago and although the ends aren't splitting, they are really dry and kinda gross-feeling. I even considered using mayo like my friend Andrea does but I chickened out at the last second. Maybe someday...not today, though.
ANYWAY. I'll see what I can do to post my first salon experience here.
I had my first wedding dress fitting on Monday. It was really fast...I was done in 10 minutes because I was the only person there. They are going to do it for me in 2 weeks. I am so thankful! If it wasn't for tax returns, I'd have to get out the duct tape and safety pins so I am grateful that they can get it done so soon! I ordered my veil and headpiece yesterday so they should be here in about 2 weeks and also we paid for our flights to Honolulu. We will be flying out on Sunday, May 16th and coming back on Monday, May 25th due to an overnight flight (we'll be leaving Hawaii on May 24th). Also, my last bridesmaid's dress should be coming in within the next two weeks (I hope...that was a nightmare!). Thankfully she won't be needing any alterations. These are the good things. We almost bought a lottery ticket except that this is what happened next...
Turns out the sweet little condo we were going to stay in got booked out from under us since we couldn't afford to book it when we were first interested. Awesome. I cried, I prayed, and then I responded to the owners and they said they have other condos for rent in the same area. It sounded a little fishy to me (sort of a bait-and-switch thing) so I decided to check out other options. I found another one just about a half-mile from that one and it's the same price so I'm waiting to hear back from that person. We don't need anything fancy...we just want a quiet place with cable tv and a kitchen or kitchenette. A hideaway, if you will. Keep praying...we don't have much time left! And now that we've booked our flights, we pretty much HAVE to go...jeepers.
Trygve has been researching restaurants in the area and he found some great places, including an IHOP. I can just see it now, the two of us eating pancakes and staring at palm trees...there is so much sushi in Hawaii! I am hoping that we don't get any food poisoning while we are there. *crosses fingers*
So that's the "normal" stuff. Onto the real-life wtf stories of my life.
About a week and a half ago, Fargo had some VERY powerful southern winds (which pretty much never happens, since most of the wind in Fargo comes from the north, hence the horrific wind chills in the winter) and noaa.gov said the winds were 20 mph with gusts of up to 40 mph (if a kite flies at .5 miles and the wind is 20 mph, how long will it take Sally to pick her nose?). That's noticeably windy, even for the flat plains of nowhereland. We have one, count 'em, ONE window that faces the south and it is about a food long and maybe 2.5 feet wide. It is a tiny little bugger. Anyway, I was in the kitchen cooking and doing the dishes while Trygve worked on editing a paper for a professor he knows in Greece (whom he met through email via his advisor....this guy has actually mailed us stuff from Greece! I love their stamps...) and I was trying to drown out the howling of the wind over the chimney-top and the pressure on the old rickety house we live in when I heard this horrible BANG and then a CRASH and something shattered. I ran into the living room, assuming that was where the sound came from, fearing something horrible had happened. Trygve was staring at our south-facing window. I looked over and to my astonishment, the freaking window had just blown in. The glass on the window is too thick to shatter but the wind and the force of the window had knocked over most of our collection of wine bottles and we lost 2 wine glasses and a champagne flute in the mess. There was shattered glass everywhere and one of Trygve's teapots was broken nearly in half. I really was more surprised than anything else...I've never experienced this before! Trygve took a hammer to the window and got that sucker to stay in place. It didn't happen again.
My last post is from April 14th I think...I mentioned that we went for a walk and I wore a sleeveless tank top. Well, apparently, I made a mistake in doing that and "contracted" a chigger. A chigger is a member of the mite family and they like to bore under skin and come up for air and go back down again. They usually leave little pimple-like welts in a line as they go and I noticed that I had this goofy line of acne that was kinda itchy and getting longer. I didn't need to call my mom on this one...I just couldn't believe that I could have a chigger!! Did it drop from the freaking sky and just land there? Did I rub it in?? I have no idea. At any rate, my brother once had a chigger and my mom put nail polish on all of the welts and just beyond both ends of the line and around the perimeter, basically suffocating the freaky little bug. It worked great for them so that's what I've been doing for the last day or so...I still can't believe I got a chigger! Truly a wtf moment. I was telling Trygve about it and I showed him my online research (aka Wiki) and my evidence and he looked at me with this bewildered expression and said, "The weirdest things happen to you!" and I said, "And you're gonna marry me!" I'm not sure he's completely aware of what he's getting into...
We went to court to fight a ticket he got for "disobeying a semaphore" and we lost. It was like something out of a terrible Matlock episode. They brought in the guy who hit Trygve on that fateful night and the police officer who issued the citation. We had to go in a group of people and Trygve had to try to defend himself as best as he could. The first thing we learned about trying to fight these things is to get a lawyer. Don't bother trying to defend yourself...it's a total waste of time. The accident took place in Moorhead and Trygve had a stop sign. The streets were in horrible condition (as they always are in this godforsaken place during the winter...anyone ever heard of PLOWING?) and the snow drifts were at least a good 4 feet high. Trygve was driving my car, a white '98 Chevy Prizm (basically a Toyota Corolla with the Chevy stamp) and that poor little car's tires didn't have very good traction to begin with so he was being extra careful. He had to slow down waaaay before the stop sign to be sure he stopped and then he had to inch out to peek around the snow drifts. If you have ever owned a car where a third of it is nose, you know that it's kinda dangerous to be sticking your nose into potentially oncoming traffic! And the fact that he HAD to do it to see totally pisses me off. It's like Moorhead doesn't give a crap that they are putting several thousand lives in danger by letting the snow drifts get so high at these residential intersections. And it was a two-way stop, too, so he had to be extra-extra careful because some people around here are dumber than rocks and speed no matter what the road conditions. So he peeks out into the intersection, doesn't see anyone, makes his way into the intersection and was leaving it when he got t-boned by a GMC Envoy (it's a sizeable SUV), slamming him in the passenger-side door and sending the car nose-first into a hard-packed snow drift, completely bending the front bumper under the car. He got a mild concussion from this accident and may have hairline-fractured his pinky on his left hand (which, as a potter, is actually a big deal) and the cop who shows up gives him a ticket because "it's policy" (which he later tells the court that the policy says if there is sufficient evidence to ticket someone in an accident then you should do it). So I get a ride home from work and I find Trygve out-of-sorts. I call the insurance people, I call several other people and eventually get the report filed and I also get us a ride to the hospital. He was really shaken up and wasn't able to recall most of what happened until later. Back in the court room, the guy who hit Trygve says he was going no more that 15 mph (total bull, let me tell you...if he was going 15 mph then my poor little car wouldn't have been totalled) and the cop says both Trygve and the guy who hit him say Trygve didn't come to a complete stop. Okay, back it up. First of all, the guy would not have been able to see whether or not Trygve stopped because the stop sign at that intersection is a good 3.5 feet from the intersection and again, the effing snow drift was 4 feet high! Also, Trygve was fuzzy in the brain and wasn't sure if he stopped because HE COULDN'T RECALL AT THE TIME. I don't know how many times he told the cop that but the cop "forgot to mention that" until Trygve questioned him. I don't think the cop had a right to give him a ticket...he was going on the word of the guy who hit him since he was fine and honestly I know there was a huge bias in this case because I heard the cop say to the "witness" as they were walking out of the court room, "Sorry we had to waste your time today." I nearly lost my mind! Trygve and I both walked out of that courtroom upset and shocked that not only did both the cop and the "witness" lie on the stand but that they were in cahoots with each other! If I practiced voodoo I would torture them both. THAT is how angry I am. I did like the judge though. He was kind and he tried to be fair. He ruled that Trygve was still guilty because part of obeying a stop sign is to ensure that it is completely safe before continuing to drive and he felt that, based on the "testimonies," Trygve did not do that part. I think the "testimonies" were very interesting and totally bullshit. I am pretty sure that the cop and the "witness" were working together behind the scenes. I think the cop told the "witness" what to say. It seemed odd to me that the "witness" had a perfectly professional account of what happened and he recited it so well, like a MEMORIZED SPEECH. Both guys were terrible actors so to me, with my experience, I could see right through their phony facades. It also seemed odd to me that the cop treated the "witness" with such familiarity, like a business relationship. Both of them made sure to scrutinize Trygve and agree with each other on their "testimonies." I was powerless to do anything, and although he tried, so was Trygve. We were both so angry when we left. I know that the only way to retain any dignity about this tragedy is to know that we are right, know that we are smarter, know that they lied and that the world isn't perfect. Also, I am thankful that the Good Lord deals justice on His own terms. So they will have to deal with that all in good time. We are just taking the blow and trying hard to get past it, though it severely damaged Trygve's self-confidence. Not to mention it makes me hate courtrooms even more now. I estimate that the guy who totalled my car was going probably at least 30 mph. Logically, if he was going 15 mph he would have seen Trygve in time to attempt to swerve. With the road conditions as they were, he would have smashed his side into the side of my car and THAT would have proved his 15 mph story. He nose-dived into the passenger side door of my car and therefore I have to conclude that one of these things happened: a) he was going 30 mph (too fast for those road conditions) and didn't have time to see Trygve in the intersection to even so much as consider swerving, in which case he should have been ticketed, b) he was going over 15 mph and texting or fumbling with something inside the car and did not see Trygve, ending the same way, c) he "assumed" Trygve would be out of the intersection in time and therefore didn't bother trying to swerve or d) he's just plain dumb. I know this is a really bitter opinion and I can understand if it leaves a bad taste in your mouth. Let me upload pictures of the damaged car to prove my point that this man not only was going faster than stated and did not attempt to swerve (whether he didn't see the car or didn't have time to swerve, we'll never know) but also that the man lied in court.
Well, it's time for my shower. Getting a head start on my birthday. I am still horrendously upset about that last story and I hope someone can vouch for me. I hope that we will have a better life in Columbus and that the people there are much brighter. I hope that the court system and the law enforcement is fair and just and that the residents would rather tell the truth than save their own butts. I hope that it is a place we can not only survive but thrive in and that we can rejoice in the changes. We are looking forward to getting out of here and we will not be coming back, for this region has dealt us too many injustices. But, there is still hope. Arizona should be drying up and those people will need a place to live. Hopefully some will come up here, breed with these folks and then the genes can be spread apart far enough to make a family tree instead of a family wreath. Maybe this global warming thing isn't all bad.
Go plant a tree, and happy Earth day to all!
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