It all started when I was 11 (I think it was 11...might have been 12...). I don't remember exactly what it was that started the whole thing, but I want to say that it had something to do with after-school church programs.
Anyway, I had this intense dream (that became recurring) that I was looking out the back door of the house I grew up in (now my mom's house) and I saw this gorgeous bright star. I was staring at it, and as I stared, it seemed to get brighter and brighter. That is one of the ways my eyes have played tricks on me for as long as I can remember, so my dream-self thought it was just one of those moments. I looked away, and then looked back, and it was bigger than before. Suddenly I realized it was getting bigger and bigger, and the logical part of my brain said it was coming closer (hence getting bigger). I turned and ran as fast as I could, getting just out of the way when the meteor crashed into my house. It was suddenly chaos, with meteors hitting everywhere and everyone running around wildly, trying to find a safe place to stand but there just wasn't one.
Understandably, this recurring dream sort of scarred me. It reminds me on a very regular basis that life on earth is fragile and we could die at any moment. At 11, it really instilled in me the fear of God, and quite literally the fear that God was going to destroy us at any moment. It was a bit of a paranoid experience for a few years, but then suddenly there were boys and that served as a GREAT distraction. The feeling of awe, watching the beautiful star, and then the feeling of dawning, fear, and panic will never leave me. Every time I think about that, I can feel those exact same feelings and I can remember that dream minute-by-minute. I think it's pretty rare to remember something so clearly for so long. Part of the reason I do, however, is because it kept repeating itself.
It was most frequent during those first few years after the first time, and it began to peter off a little after that. From time to time, probably something like 2-3 times per year, I still experience that dream.
As my brain matured, it began to come up with other kinds of world-ending scenarios and forced me to live them during the night. Most of them have to do with space, stars, planets, etc. In some of the dreams, I become a hero who sacrifices her life to save Earth from whatever threat we're facing. Sometimes it's another country, sometimes it's an asteroid large enough to wipe us out. Once I met Jesus, Elijah, and Peter in the barn on the same property as the house I grew up in. We had a long chat and they told me things that my young mind was baffled by (that was shortly after the first dream). Another time, the sun was expanding rapidly and was this horrific shade of red, brighter than spilled blood and about the same color as wiped blood. Everything and everyone on earth was cast into this horror-movie red light and the only way to save the planet was to evacuate the civilians and try to create an artificial sun and/or move us away from the one we're currently using.
The sun, when it dies, will enlarge and start drying up all of the water on Earth. As it gets bigger, it will absorb Mercury, Venus, and eventually the Earth and turn a bright orange/red color in the process. Here is a video that explains the death of the sun:
Now, I realize that there are many people out there expecting trumpets, Jesus, and all of the other things mentioned in Revelations. And I don't doubt that a whole host of things will be going on during that time. But I wanted to point out that, when it becomes time for this, there will likely be chaos, anarchy, and panic. And that is very common in these dreams that I have.
One of the dreams that I had in my late teenage years involved the invasion of the other planets in our solar system (by this, I mean they moved closer and closer to the earth). I don't know exactly how it happened (I think we here on earth were all shocked and confused), but this is sort of what my dream looked like:
These pictures are beautiful, but terrifying at the same time. If these planets were really this close, we'd be in a heck of a lot of trouble!
The reason I bring this up is because I had a new one last night.
There was something coming to destroy the earth. Some kind of natural phenomenon. Upon waking, I thought it could have been a black hole. Anyway, top scientists from all over the world determined a "doomsday" time period in which we could expect to be destroyed as a planet. We were given only a few days' warning. I chose to take those few days and tell a few people that I loved them. Due to the chaos and the panic, things like transportation and any sort of governmental control were completely dismantled and it was every man and woman for themselves. Families bonded together, and I somehow ended up in the basement of a two-story building with a sort-of hodge podge of people I know now. I was not with my family (my side of the family anyway) and I was unable to go outdoors because we had like 2 hours left and it was going to be very, very bad. We were all indoors, burning candles, praying, crying, and trying desperately to believe that everything was going to be okay.
Somehow, there was just a little bit of cell phone reception on the first floor of this building (the basement had no windows...it was like a bunker) and, after receiving a text from my dad telling me he loved me and he wasn't mad that I was not choosing to spend the last few hours of my life with my family, I ran up the stairs of this building to the second floor, trying frantically to call my mom to tell her I love her and that I was sorry I wasn't there with them. I, like most cell phone users, wasn't looking up when I was going up the stairs, but looking at my cell phone instead, trying to get a tiny bit of reception to call my mom. This was a two-story staircase with a landing in the middle, so as I approached the final step up to the first floor, I was facing several large windows. According to the predictions of the scientists, we had about another half-hour before the end of everything when I ran up the stairs. I looked up to the windows and saw what I can only describe as the most horrific ending to the world I have ever dreamed. I expected to see green grass, trees, cars, parking lots, buildings, and so on, and all that existed were these roiling streams of grey ash, enveloping and devouring everything in every direction and already upon us as I stood there. The shock of it being here NOW took my breath away, and I still cannot quite describe the feeling to you. It was some terrible mixture of shock, recognition, loss of complete control of everything, panic, chaos, and the realization that this was it. This was the end. Right here, right now. Not billions of years from now. I had this feeling just for a nanosecond of standing on a cliff that was being eaten away at from the bottom. As the forces of nature destroyed the planet, somehow the drop off was several miles lower than the crust of the earth and there was this appalling feeling of tipping forward. I grabbed onto the railing of the stairs (steel, I think) and held on tightly.
(in this video, imagine the smoke and ash billowing AT you, not away from you)
But what good would that do? It disintegrated into the grey ash, as did the floors, the windows, the walls, the roof and I started to fall into the grey monster. As I fell, completely and utterly alone, I knew I had two choices. I could panic and pass out in sheer terror and probably lose all control of my organs and bodily systems (if you know what I mean), or I could rely on the only thing I knew in my heart to be true.
In my head, since breathing while falling is incredibly hard, I began.
"The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures. He leadeth me beside still waters. He restoreth my soul."
And as I fell into the grey swirling destruction, the most incredible thing happened. I can only describe it as my "soul" (in this case, my intelligence, my personality, who I am in every way that is unable to be touched or seen) detaching, but also withdrawing willingly from my body, which had in that moment suddenly become a shell, or like a skin being shed. It was one of those things I have heard about since a child but never had the imagination to even BEGIN to understand the feeling of. And I was abruptly lightened. I watched as my body fell, and I hovered where I was. I was...free.
And that was the moment I awoke, groaning and moaning.
That was...awesome, in a harrowing way.
Thoughts?
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