(Did you answer aloud? If you did, one point to you! If you didn't, NO POINTS FOR YOU. But you should try it some time. I bet you'll feel silly and it'll make you smile.)
(True dat.)
So, did you do your homework? Did you talk to your closest (preferably female) friend about how you smell? If you did, TWO points! If you didn't, what are you waiting for? The worst thing that can happen is that you find out you stink. That's not so bad! It's not like you're asking your friend if you're ugly or anything like that...
(Eeesh.)
[Ooo, also, keep track of your points for now and into the future. Just do it. You'll be glad you did!]
Today, we're going to talk about an issue close to my heart: how to behave when you're shopping for apartments.
I've been working in this industry for three years now, and I can tell you I've had some VERY interesting experiences showing people around. Here's the thing - if your Leasing Agent likes you, there's a VERY good chance you'll get extra goodies out of your tour. It could be extra time, extra refreshments, even extra stuff ranging from "here's a can holder with our logo slapped on it" to "I can get you a free storage unit." So to give the general public a couple of pointers, and in an attempt to prevent these things from happening to some poor, unsuspecting Leasing Agent, I present to you...
STEPH'S RULES OF LEASING-MENT
(Wait...that sounds weird...lemme try again...)
THE 15 COMMANDMENTS OF APARTMENT SHOPPING - BY STEPH
(That was better, but I'd rather not step on God's toes...one more time...)
APARTMENT SHOPPING 101 - BY STEPH
(Much better.)
(purty ribbon, just because)
APARTMENT SHOPPING 101 - BY STEPH
PART I
1. MAKE AN APPOINTMENT
--Yes, most places accept walk-ins, and yes, foot traffic is great for business! But if you want the most bang-for-your-buck (or time), you should definitely call in advance and get some basic information ahead of time. This also allows you to ask important questions up-front (like how much it costs, what is the pet policy, that sort of thing). This also allows the Leasing Agent to be fully prepared for your arrival, and to show you what they believe best fits what you're looking for. If you just walk in, there is an excellent chance you won't see the actual apartment for when you're looking to move, or you may find out you have too many pets or pets on their restricted list, and things of that nature. We don't want to waste your time, and we're certain you don't have time to waste! Please, PLEASE call in advance.
(If you have ever called in advance to schedule an appointment, one point to you!)
2. SHOW UP FOR YOUR APPOINTMENT
--This particular step involves many mini-steps. I'd say if you can do at least three of the four mini-steps, we should get along just fine.
~~Mini-Step 1: Arrive ON TIME. Not early. Not late. It doesn't matter if you are Gandalf himself or if "on time" to you is late, arrive precisely on time. If you show up early, we'll seat you in the lobby, and then you'll NEED stuff. Bathrooms, refreshments, napkins, paper towels, band aids, that sort of thing. Leasing Agents work on a very blocky schedule, so we need you to NOT be sitting in the lobby for 10 minutes staring at us while we try to finish whatever project we were working on before you arrived. And if you're late, you've given us the first impression that you are not serious about this. You might be a "looky-loo," someone who is just looking because there's a 10% chance they might move at some point in the near future. You might be a major procrastinator. You will most likely be a time-waster. Be on time, not late, and not early.
(Note A: if the office isn't open yet, do NOT bang on the door! Or stand at the door. Or peer inside the windows, hoping to force some poor worker to open the door early for your own selfish convenience. This isn't David's Bridal. This is a Leasing Office. We work on a blocky schedule. We open precisely when we're supposed to and no sooner or later. Sit in your car if you have to!)
~~Mini-Step 2: Arrive in "good condition." If you just had a major fight with anyone or anything, call and reschedule. If you are not feeling well, call and reschedule. If you and your SO are arguing about what you want in a place, FOR THE LOVE OF PETE CALL AND RESCHEDULE. We do not want to play roles in your life any bigger than what we have to play already. We don't want to play counselor. We don't want to play nurse. This isn't Oprah. We are showing you an apartment and it would be very wise of you to show up NOT drunk or hungover.
~~Mini-Step 3: If you can't make it or you're going to be late, whether it be a force of nature or you just got stuck at work, CALL. From personal experience, nothing is more irritating than not being able to start another project because it's 20 minutes past the hour and I have no idea if you're still coming to visit or not. "But, what project, exactly?" That depends on the time of the month and the season of the year. (Did you think all Leasing Agents did was show people around??) Calling also shows me you're serious about this decision you have to make. It tells me you are responsible and probably the kind of person who will respond to my questions if I need you to. Calling also allows me to tell you we close at (whenever) and you have to be here by (certain time) to be able to go out on property. I would rather you called and knew ahead of time if you could make it than arrived a half-hour past our cut-off time and I'm forced to turn you away. Talk about an awkward situation! More time-and-effort-wasting that could have been avoided.
~~Mini-Step 4: This SHOULD go without saying, but unfortunately I have been proven wrong a few times. Please, PLEASE arrive appropriately dressed. I'm not going to do my best job, no matter how much on my game I am, if I'm worried your girls are going to pop out of your dress. I'm not saying don't express yourself through clothing, but I am saying that if I can see your green leopard-print thong through your white capris OR you are in danger of losing your pants altogether for any reason (including over-saggage), you are NOT dressed appropriately. 'Nough said.
(Think back to your most recent apartment tour. If you completed all four mini-steps, give yourself FIVE WHOLE POINTS! If not all four, one point per each mini-step.)
(Wait, how many points do I have now? And while we're on the subject, how do pencils work??)
I think that's enough learnin' for one day! But I tell you what...stayed tuned for Apartment Shopping 201 - By Steph for tips on how to behave now that you're ready to go out on tour! Until then, please keep these steps in mind if you're looking for an apartment. :D
~Steph
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